Why You’re Never Really “Back to Square One”
Last night I participated in a happy hour run with Lululemon and November Project in NYC, and we hit Mel’s Burgers for nachos and beers afterwards.
As a fitness nutrition specialist, I often feel that I’m going undercover when I have something like nachos, burgers, or ice cream in a group setting. It almost gets awkward if my occupation comes up. The “So, what do you do?” conversation can put people on the defensive if we’re sharing a nacho platter. So most of the time, I just listen politely if people give me advice on diet (same goes for running – my standard answer is, “Oh wow, that’s a good point!”).
Anyhow, as we munched on high-calorie snacks, the topic of Whole30 came up, and I listened attentively. This is the snippet of the conversation that stuck with me:
“I tried it twice, but gave up both times.”
Here’s the deal: I do know people who have finished Whole30 successfully and have lost weight in the process, but most of the people that I know who have tried it can’t finish it, and that’s their mantra – “I tried it several times, but couldn’t get past Day ___.”
It’s not that it’s too demanding – I think that I am actually extremely aligned with the nutritional principles set forth by the Whole30 plan. I often recommend their recipes to clients, especially for breakfast. I love the emphasis on vegetables, lean protein, whole foods, and meal prep. Unfortunately, beans and dairy, two of the forbidden foods, do happen to be in the Rachel Trotta Healthy Eating Hall of Fame (if there were such a thing). But hey – if it works for you, it works!
However, my least favorite part of Whole30, and a “diet mentality” in general, is the idea that once you mess up, you have to start all over again.
That just doesn’t sit well with me.
Progress is Progress is Progress
If you want to hear the rationale on the Whole30’s “start all over again” rule, here it is, verbatim from their website. Nutritionally, they defend that rule on the principle that an elimination diet requires perfect adherence in order to be effective.
However, when I look at nutrition, I think about a lot more than just gut flora. I am looking at a whole person, who also has a heart, mind, a life, and perhaps a lot of baggage around food and weight. For people who tend to be perfectionistic, the Whole30 method – or any extreme cleanse or detox – can be a trigger for guilt and dysfunctional thinking about food and body image.
But it’s not just Whole30 (and I’m not trying to be a jerk about their program – I really do like their recipes!). I honestly think that most diets put people on a path of black-and-white thinking, which, in the long run, can be extremely unhelpful in terms of weight maintenance and a healthy relationship with the body.
I resist the impulse, as a professional, to create strict diet plans that deliver super-fast results. When I work with a person, my primary focus is on whole-person health, which includes mental and emotional health. It is critically important to me that a person maintains and improves a loving and caring relationship with the self, as well as a balanced outlook on food and exercise.
The Roller Coaster of Health
Even though it may seem like an extreme comparison, I look at developing a healthier relationship with food a lot like the “harm reduction” terminology associated with drug use or smoking cessation. If you formerly smoked a pack a day and now only smoke a pack a week, you haven’t exactly quit smoking, but you’re certainly moving in the right direction.
When we make changes, we need to be accepting of the natural ups and downs that are a part of life, and we also need to be prepared for taking two steps forward and one step back without taking “breaks” from a healthy lifestyle. The reality is that you’ll experience the ups and downs, even without the breaks!
When you’re first making a healthy change in terms of the way you eat, any change is positive. As long as you are moving in the right direction and being less harmful to your body overall, you are officially making progress. If you are consistent with your meal prep all week, and then have a burger with fries on Saturday, that is not a “cheat” or a “slip” or a “setback” – that’s a normal part of life. As long as your eating is balanced, nutritious, and satisfying during the week, you are overall healthier than you were when you weren’t making any effort at all.
In fact, the more focused you are on being “perfect,” the more likely it is that going off-track will not just be a small divergence from a food plan. Black-and-white thinking promotes dramatic swings in behavior, veering from days of perfectionistic eating to a huge binge on Saturday. When the pendulum swings that hard, it’s not just a burger and fries – it’s a burger and fries followed by your favorite ice cream followed by takeout for dinner and a box of Oreos and several glasses of wine because you’re finally freeeeeeeee!!! And then bring on the hollandaise sauce and the mimosas on Sunday morning because you’ve already screwed up Saturday, and you’ll start again on Monday… and… then Monday comes and you feel gross and sick from your weird eating all weekend, and you feel less motivated than ever to get back on track.
What if…. You don’t have to “start over” on Monday, because you never really quit? What if you didn’t mess up? What if a burger and fries are part of a healthy way of life, which sometimes includes richer foods? If you can frame it that way, there is a much greater likelihood that you won’t experience the pendulum swing into dietary chaos and guilt.
“Square One” Doesn’t Exist
On a related note, a common pattern for my clients over time is to lose 5-10 pounds, then re-gain about three pounds back before losing more again. The re-gain is a depressing phase, I must say. However, eventually, they will continue to make progress, but the key is to mentally get past the small ups and downs that are a normal part of a weight loss journey. It’s tempting for my clients to think that re-gain means that they are “back to square one.”
However, I would contend that there is no “square one.” I think that to associate slight setbacks with total failure is overlooking the tremendous progress that is intangible.
You’re not back to square one, because you have accumulated the knowledge, skills, and strategies that allowed you to experience success in the first place. If you could do it once, you can certainly do it again. Plus, if your setback did include some kind of epic binge, you can use it as a learning experience. What was the trigger? What caused you to go so severely off-track? How can you prevent it from happening again? What strategies do you need to implement to make life easier on yourself?
Today I spent an hour on Skype with one of my remote nutrition clients, and we planned out a week-long work trip for her, from packing snacks for the flight to shopping at Whole Foods at her destination. It’s not about cutting foods out or being “perfect” – it’s about planning, preparation, and playing to your strengths (as well as knowing your weaknesses). “Square one” doesn’t exist if this is your plan.
In fact, you’ll never have to “start over” again if your expectations of yourself are realistic.
If you want to get healthier and improve your relationship with food, I wouldn’t shop in the Whole30 aisle, or any other plan that eliminates lots of foods and expects perfect adherence. Instead, I would keep it simple. Cook. Plan. Grocery shop. Pack lunches. Keep a food log. Figure out your weaknesses. Address your triggers. Don’t test your willpower.
And if you need extra help, CLICK HERE to join one of my coaching groups, which will help you develop a more peaceful and mindful relationship with food while getting real results.
But most of all, remember to be compassionate with yourself if you are trying to lose weight and get healthier. It truly is a journey, and patience, persistence, and consistency will be your best assets on the path. Be easy on yourself, and you will find that it’s possible for self-acceptance to arrive before the perfect body does.
